the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
