i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just googled if crying burns calories
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
