My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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