as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
