The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
