allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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