this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i think my cat just said my name.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
