Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize