So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I need water and some morals
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
