I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
