All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize