I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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