Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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