if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
