Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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