if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
