I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
