Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't deserve a penis
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize