Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
