I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
