guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How does one acquire holy water?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
