mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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