you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
