i don't like sucking hair
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
