I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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