I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
