She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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