I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
