Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
