i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
