oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
