you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
