Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
whose ass print is on the piano?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
