the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
