There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize