The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im holly from the hills drunk
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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