I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
