I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
