Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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