when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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