____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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