just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
