so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
