Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize