Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
