i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
