what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
3 2 1 whiskey
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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