party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
