I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
did i walk over a car last night?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
