Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize