Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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