Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
