she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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