She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
