you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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