Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
this boner is exhausting
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
