know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize