im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
