I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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