i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
