i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
should my penis look like a turkey
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
