I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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