Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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