Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
