actually, I'm a sock model
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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