Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
