pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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