Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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