Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
