is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
