Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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