i used baking grease as lip gloss
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
