you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
