She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
