So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
