all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
