His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
