I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
