I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
