When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Less talking, more tequila
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize