she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize