Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize