I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Randomize
