I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
splinters make it hard to masturbate
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
