Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
