Don't make out with my wife yet
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
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