if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize