My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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