I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
