everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
