Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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