I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize