I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize