i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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