Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
