He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
