John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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