'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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